Risking love again
by Hence The Name
Summary: When Jo offers Sheelagh a place to stay after the Gabriel incident, She starts to feel her feelings growing. Warning ff!
1. Oops!

Jo looked at the PC who was sat in front of her. Gently she put a hand on the PCs shoulder,

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't be going through this," She whispered

"Hey…you didn't tie me up," Sheelagh muttered back. It had been four hours since Sheelagh had been found tied up on her bed. She had been tied up and left by her so-called lover Gabriel Kent. He had then thrown himself off a building. DC Jo masters had just questioned Sheelagh about it. Close to tears she stood up,

"Is it okay if I go now only I'd rather be…well I...oh I don't know" Sheelagh broke down in tears. Jo stood up and hugged Sheelagh,

"Come on, it's alright…shhh" She soothed

"I'm just so scared, I know he's gone, he's never going to get me but I can't help being scared! Why does it always go wrong" Sheelagh almost shouted at Jo, "I'm sorry...you can't help me with any of this"

"Try me! You need someone. After everything, maybe someone who won't judge you, someone who doesn't know about your past is what you need and... I'm always here for you"

"You hardly know me! How can you make such a big gesture?"

"Maybe I don't know you, but I know you don't deserve this, so like I said...if you ever need someone, I'm here for you"

"Thanks...it means a lot"

"Now come on, dry your eyes" She walked towards the door. Sheelagh wiped her eyes and sorted herself out,

"Ready to brave them?" Jo asked

"Yeah...thanks Jo" Jo opened the door and stepped into the crowded CID office, closely followed by Sheelagh. Everyone's eyes rested on the women that had just entered the room. Jo felt the attention and turned to Sheelagh,

"I can't handle this" Sheelagh whispered and ran out of the office. Jo looked at Sam who gestured for her to follow. On entering the women's locker room, Jo heard sobbing,

"Sheelagh...You okay?" she half shouted. She went to the far row of lockers and looked down the aisle. Sheelagh was sat on the floor curled up. The site of her shaking body made Jo want to cry for her,

"Sheelagh, come on...come on get up" she whispered softly. She slowly approached the distraught PC

"Why did he do this to me Jo? WHY?"

"I don't know! I just don't know…I wish I had all the answers Sheelagh I really do" she sat down and pulled the sobbing PC into a hug. Sure, before today, Sheelagh had been a complete stranger. Yeah they talked about cases every now and then but they had never really spoken when they didn't have to. But never the less, Jo felt that she had to be there for her. She felt that if she left Sheelagh, it would make her a bad person,

"I loved him" Sheelagh said with a little laugh, "I thought he was the one!" Sheelagh started laughing hysterically,

"Sheelagh…what's so funny about that"

"You have to laugh…at my stupidity if nothing else"

"No! You can't think like that! How were you to know he'd do this! It's not every day that this happens!"

"But we see it virtually everyday…stuff like this! Partners beating each other up, suicide, murder…yet I still wasn't ready for it! What does that say about my instincts? Not an awful lot really! It shows that I'm not a good copper, not a good lover and not a good person"

"What? Don't be stupid Sheelagh! Of course you are a good person…I know for a fact that you're a damn good copper and…well, I can't really comment on you being a good lover can I?"

"Except I've already been stupid haven't I? This is god punishing me! I thought he would stop with the bad luck after niamh but no…it just had to carry on"

"Don't say that Sheelagh! Why would god want to punish you? Look at you; you are a credit to the force. Trying to rid the world of crime like the rest of the people on the force! Sure maybe you have made a few mistakes here and there but god will forgive you! He always forgives…doesn't he?"

"Obviously not in my case!"

"Come on! I'm taking you home"

"Sorry Jo, I don't swing that way! I think it's disgusting"

"Thank-you for that personal view on my sexuality but that is not what I was implying anyway. In case you hadn't noticed, you are sat in the changing rooms in work where you don't even have to be for the next week crying! I am trying to make you feel better but if you want to throw it back in my face then there you do that but we'll see who comes out of this worse shall we because its not me that needs someone to be there for me, it's you" Jo ranted

"Sorry…I just have to take it out on someone"

"I know…sorry for going off like that too"

"It's fine, don't worry about it! I would've had it been the other way round!" Sheelagh gave a slight smile…the only one she could manage,

"Look, I know you probably won't want to but, I'm free tonight if you fancy a drink!" Sheelagh froze, a drink? Jo Masters? Outside? Alcohol? No way!

"I…erm…well, so much has happened today, sorry"

"It's alright, don't worry about it! Just making sure you know that I'll be here if you need to talk!"

"Maybe…well…you could come have a drink at mine! It's not that I don't want to spend time with you, I just don't think I can face the outside world just yet!"

"That suits me fine! Come on, you get yourself home"

"Right!"

"You need a lift?"

"Yeah if that's ok" Jo pulled herself up off the floor and helped Sheelagh to her feet,

"No problem at all!" Jo smiled at Sheelagh and began to leave the changing rooms only to be stopped by Sheelagh,

"Thanks Jo! It means a lot"

"I'm only giving you a lift," Jo laughed

"No, I mean for being bothered about me!"

"It's my job!" Jo smiled and left the changing rooms. Sheelagh felt her face drop

"Just your job…" Sheelagh whispered to herself.

'JUST YOUR JOB? What are you thinking at all Jo?' Jo cursed herself for telling Sheelagh it was just her job! Sheelagh was a friend, a new friend but nevertheless a friend. She saw Sheelagh heading down the ramp and smiled,

"Hey Sheelagh you ready to go?"

"Shouldn't that be Mrs. Murphy?"

"Oh come on, don't get moody with me"

"I'm not! Just stating that you should be calling victims formally unless they say otherwise"

"Look I'm sorry, it's not my job! I am bothered I just don't handle compliments and thank yous very well! In fact, I handle them terribly"

"Okay!" Sheelagh sat in Jo's car. It was better than nothing she supposed! Having Jo caring about her felt so amazing. Perhaps a little _too_ amazing. Surely she didn't have…feelings towards her. 'NO cut it out Sheelagh',

"It's the next left isn't it?" Jo asked. No answer, "Sheelagh?" Still no answer "OI, SHEELAGH"

"What, eh?" Sheelagh's thoughts were broken

"Next left?"

"Yeah…sorry"

"It's fine, what was you thinking about?"

"Oh nothing"

"You don't sound too sure"

"Honestly…it was nothing," Sheelagh couldn't tell her the truth. Yeah okay, her religion was against lies but…this wasn't the time or the place. It would come out eventually anyway,

"Everything always does," she whispered,

"Everything always what?" Jo asked

"Everything always…happens for a reason" Sheelagh lied

"Right…" Jo didn't sound at all convinced. She stopped the car. Looking across she realized Sheelagh had been silently crying,

"You okay?" she asked

"yeah…yeah I'm fine"

"The erm…the tears kinda give it away that you're not!"

"I just…I don't think I can go back in there yet"

"Right" Jo started the car up and drove to another house, "You are going to stay here for the night"

"Erm"

"Don't worry!"

"What about your partner?"

"Oh tess? She won't be home, she's erm…well…im waiting to end it with her"

"What?"

"It's a long story!" Jo didn't feel like going into the ins and outs of tess being unfaithful and her feeling like she was being.

Jo made a quick escape from the car and up to the front door, closely followed by Sheelagh. Seeing the look in jo's eyes, Sheelagh decided it would be best to change the subject,

"How about, you go back to work, I'll go out and get us a bottle of wine and make us some food for when you get back?"

"Sheelagh…I couldn't let you do that"

"But I want to! It'll take my mind off everything and I reckon I should be thanking you anyway"

"you've got nothing to thank me for"

"Well I say different"

"How about I meet you half way? You get the wine, I'll get a take away on my way home?"

"Alright then"

"Chinese, Indian, Thai or just good old English?"

"I fancy Indian"

"Right! I better be getting back. There's a spare key in the top drawer of my computer desk. See you in a bit"

"Yeah, bye" Jo left the house. She sat in her car and put her head on the wheel. What was going on? Sheelagh was a nice person, fine, but surely Jo couldn't love her. It wasn't practical! She couldn't have her living in her home if she did! But she couldn't just kick her out…that would be even worse! Realizing that Sheelagh was watching her through the front window, she started up her car and drove back to the station. Sheelagh sat down. She wished she had never mentioned Tess. She hadn't meant to upset Jo in any way, after all, Jo was being amazing! Hopefully she would manage to cheer her up later on.

Jo looked at the witness statement again. She was trying to take it in but she just couldn't. All she could think about was Sheelagh, would she be okay on her own? What if something happened to her?

"DC MASTERS" Jo almost fell of her chair in shock,

"Yes guv?"

"I've noticed your head is in the clouds since you took PC Murphy homes earlier, is everything okay?"

"Fine guv!"

"Well get on with your work then before I have you fired"

"Yes Guv" Bloody Manson! If there was one person Jo would love to slap, it was him. Oh and here came the other 'superior bitch'

"Jo are you okay?" Jo was taken aback, Sam Nixon had a caring side? No one would ever have guessed that one!

"I'm fine sarge!"

"Come on!"

"Where we going?"

"Gina Golds office!"

"Erm…why?"

"You'll understand in a sec" Sam led the way. She knocked on the office door and entered, followed by Jo. Gina looked up,

"Sam, Jo what can I do you for?"

"I think Jo needs some of your 'secret remedy'"

"Ahh! Have a seat" Gina opened her top drawer and took out 2 glasses, "Sam run and get a plastic cup will ya?"

"Yup!" Sam left the room and returned shortly after with a plastic cup. She put the cup on Ginas desk and sat down beside Jo. Gina took out a bottle of whisky and poured them all a glass. Sam took 2 and passed one to Jo,

"I'm not sure if…" Jo started "Ahh What the hell" Jo took a sip from her cup, not wanting to end up drunk.

"So come on, whats happened?" Gina asked. Jo looked up without lifting her head,

"Manson happened"

"What's he done?"

"Threatened to have me sacked, thinking about it though, it's justified, I haven't had my mind on the job this afternoon"

"Something on your mind?" Sam asked quietly. She knew what it was like to feel the wrath of Manson when times were hard,

"Yeah…But it'll pass"

"Talk to us Jo, it'll help" Jo drank the rest of her drink in one go,

"My girlfriend has been…well…sleeping with a guy behind my back and…oh never mind"

"Come on Jo, and what?"

"and I'm in love with a straight, catholic woman"

"ahh! Anyone we know?"

"erm, yeah…she works here…well, she's off right now but she usually does" Gina put her glass down,

"Sheelagh?" She tried not to look as shocked as she felt,

"I…god I know its wrong, I honestly do! After everything she's been through, she just needs a friend right now but I'm not sure I can be that person! I want to be devastated by what Tess has done, I really do but I feel nothing…well, apart from humiliation that is"

"No Jo, it's not bad. Sheelagh needs you now"

"maybe so but…I don't know, I'm scared that I'll hurt her more"

"Refill?" Gina asked, shaking the whisky bottle,

"I don't know…I'm a bit of a lightweight"

"It never stopped Sam" Sam shot her an evil look, "and anyway in a grand total of" Gina looked at the clock, "ten seconds, the shifts over" Jo stood up,

"Thanks but I have to get home. Sheelagh is at mine waiting for me"

"Right! See you tomorrow"

Sheelagh heard the door click shut and went into the hall,

"Get out! GET OUT…LEAVE ME ALONE…HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH?" She shouted. Jo looked taken aback,

"Sheelagh?" Sheelagh snapped out of it and saw Jo stood with a worried look on her face, food in one hand, wine in the other,

"Oh my…I…I'm sorry, I don't know what just happened, you…you was Gabriel for a minute…I…" Sheelagh felt her eyes start to fill, "I'm just going to go…go…wash my hands" She ran past Jo and up the stairs. Jo went to put the food on the table in the kitchen and followed Sheelagh up. She looked through the crack in the door and saw Sheelagh sat on her bed, silently crying. Entering quietly, she sat on the bed beside her,

"come here" she whispered and pulled Sheelagh close, holding her like…like she used to hold Tess,

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen, I don't even know why it did…" Sheelagh mumbled in between sobs,

"Hey...shhh! You've been under a lot of stress! I'm not surprised you freaked out! Come on, lets go and get hammered" Jo stood up and held a hand out to help Sheelagh up. Sheelagh smiled weakly and took her hand.

After their first bottle of wine, both women were feeling the effects, Jo especially. Sheelagh decided now would be a good moment to ask Jo about her moment in the car earlier, but first, she'd open another bottle of wine. She had bought two herself and Jo had brought one home figuring that they'd need more than one. She poured them both a glass and sat back, taking hers with her,

"Jo, was you alright in the car before…it's just, you looked upset"

"Yeah I was fine, just got a pain in my head" Jo lied

"Oh right" Sheelagh knew Jo was lying but decided to stay quiet. If it was important, Jo would tell her eventually. They went through the rest of the bottle in an awkward silence and pretty quickly as they had nothing else to do but drink, trying to make conversation would be a challenge. Sheelagh sat up and tried to pour another drink but, to her surprise, the bottle was empty,

"Should we open the other bottle?" Sheelagh whispered, as if she was trying to stop the rest of the world from hearing,

"Yeah!" Jo giggled "I think we should" Jo stood up and went to turn the radio on in the far corner. She turned around and looked at Sheelagh, "so perfect, so beautiful, and intelligent, and funny and wonderful" Sheelagh tried to stand up but fell straight back down, "and drunk"

"I AM NOT!" Sheelagh giggled,

"Huh?"

"I'll accept all the nice things but I am NOT drunk!"

"Did i….oh my…I didn't say that out loud did I?"

"Yeah!" Sheelagh saw Jo turn red, "Jo..?" A tear fell slowly down Jo's cheek, followed by another, and another. Soon Jo couldn't control herself. Bursting into tears, she left the room leaving Sheelagh feeling confused and stunned.


	2. Confession & Depression

After a few minutes Sheelagh followed Jo up the stairs. She found her sat on the landing. She sat down beside her and tried to put her hand on Jo's shoulder but Jo stood up quickly,

"You gonna tell me why I feel like there's more to this than I'm catching on to?" Sheelagh whispered

"I…I can't…I wish I could but I can't, sorry!" Jo looked at Sheelagh, dreading making eye contact,

"Jo you can't keep me in the dark forever…I need to know"

"I…I sort of…"

"you sort of what?"

"Well…I mean…"

"what?"

"I do…kinda of…"

"JO YOU'RE DRIVING ME MAD" Sheelagh shouted

"I THINK I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU OKAY! THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?" Jo shouted back. Sheelagh stood up, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you"

"Its fine Jo! Now come on, we've got more wine to drink!" They went downstairs into the lounge and sat in silence drinking their wine. When the initial shock had disappeared, Sheelagh looked at Jo,

"you alright?" she asked

"Yeah…think its you that should be asked that one!"

"I don't mind! Honestly…If I did, would I still be here?"

"good point!" Jo smiled, Sheelagh didn't know what it was but she suddenly got a rush. A warm feeling inside and her heart skipped a beat. She giggled,

"What you laughing about?"

"Well…you're freaking out about me knowing but I've just made a discovery"

"Oh yeah? What's that then Mrs Scie…" Sheelagh cut Jo off with a kiss. On pulling away she smiled

"I kinda feel the same"

"Wait…Did you just…Am I…Is this…wow" Sheelagh laughed,

"didn't realize I'd have that affect!" Sheelagh stood up and left the room. Jo took a moment to contemplate, the most amazing person on the planet, well in her eyes, had just kissed her. After a minute Jo good up and left the living room. When she entered the hall, she felt a draft and realized Sheelagh must've gone outside. She moved towards the door and found a note on the cabinet next to her,

"sorry Jo…I just can't cope, my religion is against homosexuality and after Gabriel…I don't see what life has to offer…bye" she read aloud

"oh st" dialing 999 on her mobile and leaving her house, Jo tried to think of somewhere Sheelagh might go. Her car was still there so she hadn't driven anywhere which meant she hadn't got far.


End file.
